“Even though that guy from The Hangover is in it, it wasn’t as hilarious as The Hangover. Man, I wish The Hangover were coming out again. That was fun last summer with The Hangover.” — The Onion
Diary Entry: Summer 2009:
I’m having the funnest summer ever! I just can’t get enough of that Lady Gaga! She’s wild! Is she a man, a woman? Who knows! And of course Iran! They’re protesting something abo–Oh yeah! Michael Jackson died! Everybody at work started taking bets on for which celebrity would die next. What a great time! Remember that delightful Todd Phillips film, The Hangover? The scrappy, up-and-comer comedy blockbuster was so great! Did you like it on Facebook yet? You can like anything now! When weird girls from New Delhi friend request me, The Hangover is the only thing we have in common. Boy does that film have everything! Las Vegas jokes! Silliness! Swears! Mike Tyson! And who could forget, The Guy With The Beard. He’s a genuine riot! Everybody loves him! I hope they make a MILLION more Hangovers! That’d be the greatest!
Movie Review: 5/28/11
The Hangover II made me feel stupid: first, it tricked me into wasting $7; then, it forced me to indulge in Todd Phillips expensive commitment to mediocrity; worst of all, it made me retroactively dislike first movie. The trailer promised us a shot for shot recreation of 2009’s comedy hit. That’s what you get–except I didn’t think it would be so frustrating. No one will call me a conspiracy theorist if I say The Hangover and The Hangover II are the same movie. Therefore, I won’t be spoiling anything with the following review. You already saw the movie two summers ago.
Question: How do they get hungover this time? Answer: Same way they did last time, dummy! Phillips begrudgingly fulfills the commitment of narrative context. The dentist (Ed Helms) is getting married to an Asian girl (what happened to the stripper from TH1 isn’t mentioned) and he invites his friends: the prick (Bradley Cooper) and the Guy With The Beard (Zach Galifinakis) comes back to keep acting quirky–in fact, since you liked it so much last time, they’re going to double it! It’s a sequel! They’ll double whatever they can! So now Prick is so snide and unpleasant, you can’t figure out why anyone would be friends with him, while Beard is so anti-social and mentally handicapped, you can’t figure out why anyone would let him out of the house. Oh well! Let’s hurry up and get to that Mike Tyson cameo!
The rest of the movie was written by a self-automated Madlib (just like Galifinakis’ GQ interview). Now, the baby is a monkey! He’s doing double duty for the tiger! We’re out of Las Vegas and way out in Bangkok! Does somebody make a joke about the word Bangkok? You better believe they do! Is that awful, awful Ken Jeong back? Oh yes he is! Without the restraint of Dan Harmon (Community), he’s as shrill and obnoxious as ever! He’s a one man minstrel show for Asian stereotypes! And boy does he have material to run with, he’s in Bangkok remember? Do you think Bangkok will be a joke? You bet it is! It’s a sequel! Everyone look! It’s a sequel!
Instead of getting his tooth knocked out, Dentist gets a face tattoo (perfect excuse for a Mike Tyson cameo!). Instead of marrying a prostitute, he has sex with a transvestite prostitute. Having learned nothing from getting rid of an overbearing girlfriend, Dentist now has to get rid of an overbearing father in-law; then, instead of a piano ballad, he sings a song with his guitar. Dentist is the “emotional core” of the film; therefore, Ed Helms isn’t allowed a chance to be funny. It’s cool–he’s rich now. Whatever, dude!
The Beard is back! And this time, he drugs the group with tranquilizers! Wacky! He realizes he’s got a grudge against Dude Who Gets Drunk And Ends Up In The Elevator (Mason Lee, son of Ang Lee!). DWGDAEUITE takes the place of Dude Who Gots Drunk And Ended Up On The Roof (Justin Bartha) who’s also in this movie but does absolutely nothing. Both DWGDAEUITE and DWGDAEUOTR are macguffins in The Hangovers universe. They afford us the chance to take a journey of wacky, slapstick proportions. You think you’re looking for your unconscious friend, but really you will find so much more. This journey will teach you about yourself, your friends, and living life to the fullest. It’s a journey that reminds us all: you can do anything when you’re drunk, guilt free! Adultery? Arms trade? Unprotected anal sex with a prostitute? Yes! All of it! You were drunk, that’s fine! The Hangovers tell us so! It’s a powerful moral that needed two films to be fleshed out to the fullest.
This is fucking shit. It’s lowest-common-denominator schlock created to STEAL YOUR MONEY. But you’ll see it, won’t you? You’ll shovel popcorn, soda, and any other type of high-fructose corn syrup into your fat, jowely face. Sitting there, in your Dane Cook t-shirt. Looking confused when The Beard makes a joke about The Jonas Brothers being indie music. You love this shit! You’re the reason they’ll make The Hangover III! You sheep! Baaaaa Baaaaaa Sheep! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
MadLib: How to Make a Hangover
Beard, Dentist, and Prick are back! This time ___1___ gets married and the gang has to travel to ___2___ for crazy hyjinx! This time Beard puts ___3___ in the ___4___ and the whole gang passes out! After finding a cute ___5___ and a matchbook with ___6___ on the front, they search for clues. They meet up with Gay Asian Guy while he ___7___. It’s hysterical! Then, the Dentist ___8___(s) a ___9___ prostitute! It’s hilarious! By the end, it turns out The Beard can ___10___. I love The Hangover X It’s totally random!
1. Character from previous film
2. Exotic city location
3. Type of drug
5. Something cute
6. Funny Name for Strip Club
7. Asian Stereotype
10. Ridiclious talent.
Movie Review From The Future: 6/6/2143
Beard, Dentist, and Prick are back! This time Allen’s dad, played by The Larry Sanders’ Show, Jeffery Tambor gets married and the gang has to travel to Africa for crazy hyjinx! This time Beard puts methamphetamine in the sailboat and the whole gang passes out! After finding a cute ducky and a matchbook with Tits-a-Munga! on the front, they search for clues. They meet up with Gay Asian Guy while he drives poorly. It’s hysterical! Then, the Dentist strangles a amputee prostitute! It’s hilarious! By the end, it turns out The Beard can juggle fire. I love The Hangover XL It’s totally random! I’m so glad I live in a dystopian police state that lobotomized me! The future’s the greatest!